didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
