he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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