matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My first STD was from a foam party
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So many bounce houses so little time
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
