ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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