Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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