What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
