I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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