Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
