I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
