Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
