I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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