Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
birth control should be required to get into college
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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