now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
