it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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