I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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