oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize