Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
