I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
