This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
