Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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