am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I understand Curling. That high.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
