He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
