I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
