I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
