is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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