Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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