I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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