Can i not drive my cunt home
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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