today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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