I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
