I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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