She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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