pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
