I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
birth control should be required to get into college
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
ttyl tear gas
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
