Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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