Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
