Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Barsexuality is the new black.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
