nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
