So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
