did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
