please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
