We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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