I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
