I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
