he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
