What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
