You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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