Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
