I molested 6 butterflies tonight
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Couch. On fire.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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