Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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