Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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